In recognition of recent historic, unprecedented, unmatched, and very strongly worded developments within the United States of America, the undersigned respectfully submit this Civic Request to the Almost White House.
This request seeks the immediate creation of a Presidential Reality Advisory Panel, hereafter referred to as PRAP, to assist national leadership in reliably distinguishing between facts and feelings, announcements and achievements, borders and metaphors, as well as artificial intelligence and artificial confidence.
Over the past months, the American people have observed a noticeable increase in executive decisions that are announced before breakfast and reconsidered before lunch, campaign rallies that are presented as governing, governing actions that are quietly repackaged as campaigning, statistics that feel emotionally correct but repeatedly refuse to be verified, and public statements that begin with the phrase “Everybody knows” followed by information that nobody has ever heard before.
These developments have resulted in widespread confusion, selective disbelief, and a measurable rise in the number of citizens audibly whispering “Wait… what?” at their televisions, smartphones, and smart speakers.
The purpose of the Presidential Reality Advisory Panel is to function as a non-partisan, non-optional, and occasionally ignored body whose sole responsibility is to provide reality-based guidance to senior officials before statements are declared final, historic, or the greatest ever.
Under the proposed framework, any public statement containing absolute terms such as never, always, everyone, nobody, or tremendous must undergo a basic plausibility review to confirm that reality has at least been consulted. All Executive Orders shall be subject to a mandatory twenty-four-hour cool-down period to ensure they were not drafted during a live news segment, immediately after reading social media, or entirely out of spite.
Whenever a government announcement is, in substance, a campaign message, it shall be accompanied by a clearly visible indicator stating that campaigning is in progress and that governance has been temporarily reduced. Any mention of artificial intelligence must explicitly clarify whether it refers to actual technology, a convenient buzzword, or something that merely sounds impressive in a speech but cannot be explained afterward under gentle questioning.
Messages drafted between midnight and sunrise will automatically trigger a warning advising the author that the thought may feel powerful in the moment but is likely to age poorly by morning.
The expected outcomes of implementing the PRAP include a reduction in national political whiplash, an improvement in international credibility, fewer emergency press briefings whose sole purpose is to explain previous press briefings, and a measurable decline in the repeated use of the phrase “taken out of context.”
This request is submitted with the highest possible urgency, exceeded only by fundraising emails labeled as a final notice. Failure to implement this panel may result in continued confusion, escalating rhetorical inflation, and a permanent state of political déjà vu.
We, the people, reaffirm our commitment to democracy, freedom of speech, and the bold American tradition of confidence. We simply request that confidence occasionally check reality first.